Kate's Blog: Confessions of a first-time mother

Interesting words

2009-05-17T10:38:00.000-07:00

I recently heard a news story that caught my attention. Research suggests that the words a baby hears in their first year of life help to shape their vocabulary for life. This got me thinking about all the interesting words I want Ava to hear. I thought it might be fun for you all to add an interesting word or two that you think a baby needs to know. I am looking forward to reading some of your ideas and letting Ava see what she thinks of them too!! John has suggested discombobulated as an obvious example. I have tried a few out on Ava already: juxtaposition, wilderness, onomatopoeia, anemone,and dusk...

The birth of Ava

2009-05-13T10:04:00.000-07:00

In retrospect the two best things I did before Ava's arrival was relax and prepare for having a little baby living in our house. I had everything ready in the house by the time I was 36 weeks pregnant and then just put my feet up and dreamed about meeting my baby.

From the complete relaxation of my maternity leave to anxious uncertainty happened in just one Saturday afternoon. I ended up in hospital all of a sudden, and stayed there for the rest of my pregnancy... luckily it was only 4 days! With my blood pressure through the roof the doctors decided to induce me as both Ava and I were at greater risk the longer the pregnancy went on. We had a scan the day before Ava was born to check everything was ok and we found out that we were having a girl... we were so excited and I laughed out aloud for several minutes in the scan room when we were told as EVERYONE had been telling me for months that I was having a boy. I'd had no feelings either way but it didn't surprise me that Ava didn't want to follow the crowd; I knew she was strong willed from the 20 week scan when she had very much been the boss much to the sonographer's dismay!

In the end I was very happy that we had found out that we were having a girl ... it actually got me through the induction process, which was horrible. Ava didn't much like the induction process either and went into distress when they ramped up the contraction strength. It was at this point that the doctors decided on a cesarean and within half an hour Ava was with us. I had already had an epidural so fortunately John was able to be in the surgery with me and could be with Ava and I the whole time.

The first thing I remember of Ava was her very loud cry as they lifted her out of me. Then they carried her past me to do all the initial checks ... all I saw was a little bundle blurring past with the midwife. John went with her and her first photos were taken as she had her checks and got weighed. We were all surprised how tiny she was! My midwife had estimated her to be 6-7 lbs, the scan the day before she was born estimated her to be 5 lbs 6 oz and in the end she

was only a tiny 4 lbs 10 oz!

But she was healthy and strong and most importantly... she was all ours! They lay her next to my head with John as they finished the rest of the operation. For that half an hour I just stared at her in sheer joy; and the most beautiful thing was she just stared back. It was so calm, it was

as though we were mesmerised with each other. When John and I talked about this half an hour of 'meeting' our daughter he remarked that he had been so spellbound by the calm between the three of us; he had imagined the moment differently, Ava crying and perhaps the whole thing being a 'shock' into parenthood. But it was so much more than either of us could have anticpated; it's almost impossible to describe in words what that half an hour was like. The three of us were just so amazed by each other and in love!

Ava & I spent 5 days in hospital after her birth and the support from the midwives to help us learn to care for such a tiny baby was invaluable. They helped us crack breast feeding and when we walked out of the hospital with Ava we were as confident as any first time parents taking their child home can be.

The road to becoming a mum

2009-05-13T09:07:00.000-07:00

I got pregnant with my first child in the final few months of my training to become a Play Therapist. The last two years had been spent intensely learning about child development, attachment, and therapy, whilst simultaneously working as a Counsellor for primary aged children in schools. It was such an intense period of time for me and by the end I was ready to become a mum and focus on building a strong bond with my child and watching her develop.When I was pregnant, my best friend and I (Caz - pictured below) talked frequently about pregnancy and birth. She had a baby a year and a half before Ava was born so she had gone through pregnancy, birth & motherhood before me. One thing we both agreed on when we discussed the up coming arrival of my baby was that I needed to think

past the birth and begin to read practical things about becoming a parent and caring for a small baby. I remember her saying to me that you could only read so much about pregnancy and birth and then you would be prepared for whatever would happen. She felt the most important thing was to think about when we would have a baby at home to care for, when it was just us and we had to care for her ... she was right. I began to think past the birth and John and I began to talk about becoming parents.

Although I had studied psychology, therapy and child development for many years prior to becoming pregnant and knew the principles behind attachment and had in my job helped children to feel safe and secure again in relationships as well as assisting their parents/carers to re-form an attachment bond with their child I had never been apart of an attachment relationship with a child of my own...

My husband and I (John) began to talk about what kind of parents we wanted to be and tried to make decisions about how we would work together as parents when the baby arrived. We wanted to be consistent in our parenting from the beginning and so spent much time during the pregnancy talking about all the things we would have to make decisions about; like where the baby would sleep and how we might form routines. We had been lucky enough to see a few other friends go through becoming parents before us and so had different ideas to discuss and we tried to make a plan about what we would try to do and what we would try to avoid. A valuable tool in helping us discuss both the birth and parenting decisions was the National Childbirth Trust (NCT) classes we attended. The NCT classes prompted John and I to discuss many things as a couple before Ava's arrival. These classes also gave us a chance to discuss

decisions we would have to make about the birth and our parenting with a group of other mums and dads to be. All the babies from this group were born in January and John, Ava and I continue to enjoy meeting up with the other mums, dads and babies! John and I walked away

from the NCT classes with three different birth

plans: a) labour & natural birth, b) inducement & c) cesarean ... which was lucky really as we needed all three in the end!

Blog aim

2009-05-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone,

I've decided to set up a blog for several reasons: firstly, to share my thoughts, my delights - and my doubts - on becoming a mum and watching Ava grow up. The second (and possibly most important) aim of the blog is to explore how my professional knowledge as a Play Therapist becomes a part of my parenting. It's one thing to gain academic theory and apply it to working with other peoples children, but it's quite another thing to apply that same knowledge to your own child and family. I hope this blog serves two purposes: firstly, to help family and friends connect with my experiences of becoming a mum, and secondly, for those who I don't yet know and who may also - like me - be a first time mum, maybe my efforts to form a secure bond and attachment with my own daughter will help you, too.

I hope you enjoy the ride! It will certainly be a roller coaster... that's for sure.

Kate